Genuine Support in Church or Christians?

Is there Genuine Support in Church or Christians? I grew up in the "Church". I repented, truly accepted Jesus's sacrifice and received the Holy Spirit within, at the age of seven. We didn't keep the annual holidays common to the world. The first year of school my teacher would pick me up by the scruff of my shirt to stand me on top of my desk as she scoffed, ridiculed, and scolded me for not keeping the holidays, in front of all my classmates. I was humiliated and hurt. My mind would go into full retribution mode, wish her every evil and harm, but the Holy Spirit would faithfully convict me of the wrong in my thoughts and guided me to forgive her instead. The "Church" would mention the Holy Spirit within but never teach or explain anything about living in the Spirit. It was as though I was living a secret life, alone. There were times when I lived in the Spirit and times when I didn't. You can guess which were the good times and the bad. As a preteen, as a family, we read the Bible cover to cover. The Holy Spirit gave understanding and depth. When in times of need, He would recall applicable scriptures to me. But the "Church" never taught about the Spirit or living in the Spirit. Even at the age of eighteen the "Church" would not baptize me because I hadn't read through a mass of their literature. I had some sort of reading issue back then and didn't believe I'd ever be able to. A couple years later, I had moved, new "church", same organization, they taught they were exclusively the only true church. This time I had read the literature, somehow still the Same issue though, but the Pastor's wife "told" him to baptize me, so he did. I didn't receive the Spirit, I had already had Him within, for a long time. As a teen, while sitting in my car at the mall, He convicted me more deeply about prayer and being genuine in prayer. It didn't come from the "Church". As a kid, I couldn't stand to see new comers to the church(sometimes whole families) standing around feeling all unwelcome and awkward. As unqualified and strange as it was, I tried to at least get to know them, the church members were too busy amongst themselves. It became a routine thing and I so often wished an adult would step in. A couple years after being baptized I married my "unequally yoked", "damsel in distress". With the "churches" blessing. Church was only a social club to her. She was an exceptional pianist and played the piano for hymns, but I don't believe she actually prayed or had any relationship with God. And for some reason, I didn't know any better and yet I knew that was an issue, and that I had to try to live well with her inspite of it. After four excruciating years the marriage ended. I had learnt a lot, but I also knew only God could fill that void in her. Having said all this I'm as much a sinner as anyone else, facing all the same issues. The Spirit would teach me, convict me, I'd repent and accept God's forgiveness. So much of the confusion and hurt I've had could have been avoided, I trusted the "Church" too much. At the same time, I've never really felt accepted by the "Church". I left after my divorce. I've never left God and the Holy Spirit only began working much more in me. I visited many churches. All appeared So lacking in Spiritual depth. One I attended for a few months. I got involved in their Bible studies which had "no" spiritual depth unless I or the Spirit brought it though me. The Pastor and his wife were very well educated, but after a few months, a group of the men representing a large segment of the congregation asked me to Pastor them in a new church. Honored and horrified, I didn't want to be responsible for causing division, I had only wanted to enrich and edify. I was single, had divorced only a year earlier, so I declined. Another church, turned out they were almost all divorced and remarried, were welcoming, but just wanted to huddle and cry together every week over their past hurts, and I didn't want to get absorbed into that. I never felt like any other churches really wanted to even get to know me. Most believed they had to convict, and convert me all over again, and then exercise some sort of control over me to guide me. So I ask, what is the condition of the "church"? Is it ready for Christ's coming? Are they actually truly bringing the "Gospel" to the world or are they a social club, busy orchestrating their internal government and control? Is the "Gospel" being presented in a way people can actually hear, accept, and respond to? Can the "Church" truly, effectively, speak to the issues people face? Does it fully, understandably, teach living in and being led by the Spirit? How many are "really" living in the Spirit? In my case, the Spirit may be guiding me to stay away from "church", for a time, So that He can teach me and strengthen me apart from the falsehood and distraction the "church" teaches. Are they teaching the second Covenant, that Jesus brought or are they polluting it with their own rules and control? As a member in the church, I ended up warming a seat. Without the "Church", I live as the Spirit faithfully guides. The world has no spiritual depth either, of course. But it actually accepts me even though I don't do as they do or want to do. Jesus says the world will not accept you as they have not accepted Him, and of course, so true, in that way. I don't intimidate or condemn -that's God's job! They like that I live an upright, good life. They know where I stand, that I can be trusted, that I am genuine, and that I really do care. I stand out and they actually like me for all this. My employer just gave me a card acknowledging my "natural joy and enthusiasm", and that I "make life brighter for everyone around me", I interact with approximately 80 coworkers daily. A positive word they wanted to give me. 

Where does life lead? Only God knows, but I go where He leads. I pray for all those that have been rejected by the "Church" and I know that the True Church is not confined to a physical organization. That the Holy Spirit can faithfully guide those who have been rejected or have walked away because the "church" was not there for them. I know that the "Church" is fallible human beings, but it must be living God's love, the second Covenant, spreading the Gospel lovingly and faithfully teaching living in the Spirit. Hebrews 8:7 "if there had been nothing wrong with the first Covenant, there would have been no need to seek for another." verse 10 "I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts." Are they truly on our "hearts"? What is the health of the Church? Luke 10:27 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and Love your neighbor as yourself." Are we hindering and pushing away those God is calling, or those who may be struggling. Maybe they don't see things quite the way we do. Do we see things as God does? Are we teaching living in the Spirit, enhancing, enriching, edifying, and loving them "as God does" in their walk with and to become more like Christ? Do we really know this all? 

As a single Christian male, some in the church will actually accept me as a Pastor, but strange as it may sound, not as a member. A single Christian man in a "family gathering, church", is actually an awkward oddity. No matter how socially adept I am. They don't like it. It's awkward. It just is. I find myself in the position of all those new comers that were awkwardly unwelcome, when I was a kid. As part of a couple I'd (we'd) be incredibly welcome with open arms. Couple/couple dynamics are very different than couple/single dynamics. I can hold the conversation very well, it's just not the same. I have seen it from both sides. Where is the "True Church" it needs to stand up and stand out! Only in Much love, may those True in the Church be Blessed Always and be Always, only an Awesome Blessing to those God is calling! Henry. Are we ready? Rev. 19:7 "Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready." henry@MightyofGod.com